sh*t-motherf*cker-f*ck-sh *t situation.i brought that on myself.owhhhhhhhh......i wish i could turn back time.please let this be a dream....i'm so devastated.

I can have another you by tomorrow You must not know 'bout me You must not know 'bout me Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute Baby I could have another you in a minute You must not know 'bout me You must not know 'bout me (Chorus) You're irreplaceable Don't you ever for a second get to thinking To the left, to the left Everything you own in the box to the left To the left, to the left (Hmm) To the left, to the left To the left, to the left Replacing you is so easy (Truth of the matter is) Cause the truth of the matter is I won't lose a wink of sleep (A wink of sleep) (I won Baby, I won't shed a tear for you Nothing at all to you (Nothing) How about I'll be nothing (Nothing) So since I'm not your everything (Hook) You're irreplaceable Don't you ever for a second get to thinking I can have another you by tomorrow You must not know 'bout me You must not know 'bout me Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (Baby) I could have another you in a minute You must not know 'bout me You must not know 'bout me (Chorus) You got me twisted How I'll never ever find a man like you Talking 'bout How I'm such a fool Standing in the front yard, telling me (Bridge) Hurry up Before your taxi leaves Baby, drop them keys Rolling her around in the car that I bought you Because you was untrue What did you think I was putting you out for (Oops) I bet you thought, that I didn't know Call up that chick, and see if she So go ahead and get gone (Verse) You're irreplaceable Don't you ever for a second get to thinking I can have another you by tomorrow You must not know 'bout me You must not know 'bout me Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (Baby) I could have another you in a minute You must not know 'bout me You must not know 'bout me (Chorus) You got me twisted How I'll never ever find a man like you Talking 'bout How I'm such a fool Standing in the front yard, telling me (Bridge) Let me call you a cab So go move your bags And Its my name that Could you walk and talk at the same time And keep talking that mess That (Verse) Then please, don't touch(Don't touch) Yes, if I bought it In the closet Yes That's my stuff Everything you own in the box to the left To the left, to the left (Hmm) To the left, to the left To the left, to the left Don't you ever for a second get to thinking (Baby, hey-yea) You must not know 'bout me You must not know 'bout me I could have another you in a minute Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute You must not know 'bout me You must not know 'bout me (You can pack all your bags, we're finished Cause you made your bed, now lay in it) I could have another you by tomorrow Don't you ever for a second get to thinking You're irreplaceable

my uncle passed away last tuesday and im the last to know.i'll call my aunt tommorow to ask about the details.he was 40+.i called home last week and mother told me that he was admitted to hospital becoz of dengue.then he was ok.but then admitted again to remove 'batu karang'.then he was diagnossed with some heart failure.he passed away last tuesday at HAS.he was OK the whole time i know him...from the time he married my aunt.i thought he was perfectly healthy.but u never knows.im sooooo sad for my aunt and her kids.Adibah was a clever funny cheerful young girl of 5.she's my favourite cousin.God i miss her.the eldest is 15.they have 4 child..3 girls and a boy.it must be sooo hard for my aunt.all this years it was my uncle who manage the family.she was a complete traditional housewife...isteri mithali.everyone didnt see it coming.actually i had a weird dream last night:mother passed away...and i felt like that half my heart gone.it feels so baaaaad.that's why i called home today.just to check if eveything's okay.i called home like once a week..every saturday..mostly.

to my aunt Fauziah Hassan and their children:Atikah,Adilah,Ar shad&Adibah.be brave.

it's Labor Day here in Japan.went to Kourankei in Aichi to view red maple leaves.here r the pics.

u know what i had in minds along the way..go and back:HIM.i miss him so much.i wish he was there.

i ran into him again today.pesal lagi nak lari lagi kerap terjumpa dia?.adakah ini satu petunjuk?*matila kena petir.

i was there 1st..at the uni foreign student lounge.then he came.i was like..what??usually he never there on wednesday.but today..out of no where he popped.as usual..we didnt exchange any words..but we're happily chatting with others.but never said a words to each other.that's us pepel.we dont converse in public..only in private(sometime with en.khambeng being the complete statue listening to us..sorry).so i guess i got to strikethrough wednesday from my book.i already crossed thursday and friday.my place is about 5min walking distance from uni..but sometime i eat at the foreign student lounge..just to meet my juniors.then went back to my place to pray and lunch.

so there goes my brilliant plan not to see him till christmas.shud i see him or shudnt i?

im playing 'semakin jauh semakin sayang'.i keep a distance from him..as run away whenever i see him ..as no casual hi on YM..no mid-week phone calls.yesterday i was on my way to fetch the late afternoon snack aka salad with green tea at the cafeteria.i was with my juniors..the asked to join them eating lunch.already picked my tray when i suddenly saw him(thank god he was not facing me)and en.Khambeng.i walked back to the tray section and ran away..telling my juniors there were nothing good to eat.GOD..very childish kan..?!!today i was at the ATM machine waiting for my turn when suddenly i saw him walking towards me.it just a glimpse..but im pretty sure it was him.i turned and looked another way for about 1-2minutes till i was sure he walked pass me.it just..i had this Miranda Hobbes Cookie Syndrom--if it's not there,so i dont have to deal with it.that's why i ate the whole cookie(please watch SATC season6 episode12:One).if i met him..i have to deal with him..no with my own elaborate thought..i think too much.why he did that why he did this..why he didnt smile or why did he smile..why he bla bla bla bla.most of the time we met..we had an ackward moment.not knowing what to say..just ackward.i have this rule now..im not gonna see him or talk or chat or have anything to do with him till christmas or till the end of the year.then we'll see..if distance makes his heart grow fonder.

it was his birthday.i made dinner for him without telling him that was for his birthday.i baked chocake..his favourite.he was as charming as always.as cute as always.God..everytime i see his face.i know deep inside i love this man..more than everything.gave him his present8the 1st and might be the last).he said thank you.he ate a lot as always.he even ate 2 slices of chocake.i know he must be sooo stuffed after 3-4 serving of lasagna and bread with mushroom soup and fettucini and 3-4 pieces of parmesan chicken.i love him for eating the cake.tht i'll be upset if he didnt ate it.he must knew that this was meant for his birthday.the last i'll ever celebrated with him.next year..who knows.he might be celebrating it with families and loves one.i might not be there.i might not be in his head or heart.who knows.i still keeping it from him...the one thing that might split us apart--aku sayang kau s****--i love you so much.i dont have the courage to say it out loud.not now.but will someday.pray for me.

Sparkling White Grape & Choccake

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up...

Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

fenatttttttt....sbb?

1. alat eksperimen kena betul kan lagi.asyik2 x jadi je.haiyaaaa.mak x larat ah.bila la nk bole wat xperimen ngan smooth dan aman nih.
2. future employer mak bagi mak R&D engineer position.mak mintak QA.tapi dia bagi R&D lak.maka mak dok lab lagi setahun la.maybe buat research utk product baru.btw mak bejumpa ngan bakal rakan sekerja mak.Malaysian Chinese guy..name Phua.mak x lupa lak nama dia ape.ingt nama famili dia je.28years old..kacak uolss.bachelor lagi.org Kole Slangor.
3. emmm..tu jekot.skit kan.tu pun fenat.btw mak nak ingtkan korg 'BERAT MATA MEMANDANG,BERAT LAGI BAHU YG MEMIKUL'.*matila peribahasa tu jer 2-3 mggu ni kan.maybe mak suke sgt pk dlm2 kan.saje suke torture my miserable soul.
4. dia

i spend my wiken..friday-having tahlil & mkn2 with the guys.saturday-sleeping & surfing.sunday-attending the lab's booth for Uni Open Day & shopping spree....wiiii.

neway..i baca Atun's blog.i never knew what's in her head..because we still joke around..listened to my neverending probs.she is such a brave and tabah person.i reaaaalllllyyy lucky to have a fren like her.when i called her on Saturday afternoon to check on her...that's the only time her voice was not like other time...kinda sebak skit.when she was back to work..we was back like old time.GOD..i admire her.berat mata memandang berat lagi bahu yang memikul.semoga arwah bonda Atun ditempatkan dikalangan hamba2 Nya yang beriman.Amin.

saturday was boring--lots of sleeping & surfing for recipe's for B'day dinner on saturday.finalised it.still thinking about the cake--IS IT TOO MUCH WITH CANDLES AND HAPPY B'DAY ICING---...it sound too much.rite.so i guess no candles or icing(but there'll be chocolate frosting).

sunday--met Miss Saino.a fren who graduated last year.she's working at Toyota HQ now.wow.our uni having Open Campus Day from Sat til today.and my lab did an exhibition.so i had to attend the booth.luckily my senior Mr. Nakanishi did all the answering so i just sat there like a log.i did smile for the guests tho---fake smile.hik.did my time--2 hrs.went shopping spree--bought a oversize big bag,a belt&socks.nearly bought a pair of shoes---navy patent leather open toe pumps.so cute.maybe next wiken.hik.maybe i shud write 'Confession of a Shoe-a-holic'.btw the shopping is for the Momiji Viewing Party this Sunday.yes pepel love to watch flowers(Sakura Viewing Party on Spring) and soon-dead-leaves(Momiji Viewing Party on Autumn) here.i'll post some pix later nextwik oke.wait..maybe some pix from Kyoto trip this Tue&Wed.

It's late and I'm feeling so tired
Having trouble sleeping.
This constant compromise
Between thinking and breathing

Could it be I'm suffering
Because I'm never give in
won't say that I'm falling in love
Tell me I don't see myself
couldn't I blame something else

Don't say I'm falling in love

Some kind of therapy
Is all I need
Please believe me
Some instant remedy
that can cure me completely

Could it be that I'm suffering
Because I'll never give in
Wont say that I never in love
Tell me I don't see myself
couldn't I blame something else

Don't say I'm falling in love theres no way I'm falling
cause I've been there before and it's not enough
So nobody say it

Don't let I say it
I ve got my eyes shut
Oohh not enough
could it be I'm suffering

Because I'll never give in
I'm falling love
Tell me I don't see myself good enough for something else
Don't say I'm falling in love
Falling in love
Don't say I'm falling in love
Oeh yeah
Falling love ooh
Ooh oohh don't say that I'm falling in love, don't say that ooooh
Don't say that I'm falling in love yeahh
Don't say that I'm falling in love
Don't say but in the answer
Cause I'll never give in
Oooh
Falling in love
Yeaahhh
Oooh

back from Tokyo.lots of shopping.found what i need and dont need but terbeli gak.hik.it was a fun but sad week.

on saturday my beloved fren Atun SMSed me--her mother passed away around 1am--i felt so sad for her---her mother couldnt see her in her wedding dress---it was the same thing that i had in mind when i 1st received the SMS.it gonna be a sad year for her.whatever happen i will always be there for u girl.

her mother died of cancer.last year a really good friend of mine--en.khambeng--mother died of cancer and my late uncle died of cancer too.cancer the no.1 killer now.everywhere u turn..pepel is dying of cancer.

marilah kita sedekahkan Al-Fatihah utk bonda Aton.semoga roh bonda nya di tempatkan di kalangan org2 beriman.amin.besabarlah dan tabahlah Aton yer.sesungguhnya setiap yang hidup akan merasai mati.i know..berat mata memandang berat lagi bahu yang memikul.