copaste from bedah

Love hurts it kills.
Love makes you hate someone.
I love you so I have to hate you.
I'm sorry.
This is the end.
You aren't for me anymore.
This is the end.

Sometimes when you need a lift or a deep puff of breath, you tend to diminish the thoughts that you were a helpless, ruined kid with nothing in the palm but a handful of regrets of your past doings.

Sometimes when you think you are in control, you are not but to some extent, you hold your head to ponder what was happened to yourself, the before the present and the future.

When you love someone you hate, you tend to cry. When the one you love starts to hate you, you tend to bawl. When you try  to erase the picture of your loved ones from your little petite brain, you start to hurt yourself. When you think you are completely free again, with no one to be committed to, you are fooling yourself.

Because life is so sweet you can't resist to taste the buds and start to cry for not having it.

Life contemplates. Love hurts. Life has rules. Love is a shit with a bull. 

And suddenly you started to stare out into the night, trying to hide the pain, you're going to the place where love and feeling good don't cost a thing, and a pain you feel is different kind of pain, and I'm going home, Back to the place where I belong.. 

Love hurts it kills. Love makes you hate someone. I love you so I have to hate you. I'm sorry. This is the end. You aren't for me anymore. This is the end.

i finally submited my thesis today for checking.and my lecturer/advisor asked me if i wanted him to check it.i was like 'what?takpe ke kalau hanta camtu je x check'.the setan in me was jumping all over the place.yeay tayah betulkan dah.but i told him to check it and afterall i'll just correct-copy all his note on the thesis aneway.hik.after that went to town to get a bus ticket to Tokyo.i'm going to Tokyo this thursday to see a fren who will be going home to M'sia for good.however..i didnt get the ticket...maybe i'll take bullet train je..eventho it cost twice than the price for the bus.haaaa.i hate to spend alot for transportation...but it takes 5 hours by bus and only 1 and 1/2 hours by bullet train..and it's cozier.(btulke word nih?hehe)

went to Christian Dior and sniffed some perfumes.i fell in love with one.someone get me Forever And Ever...pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee.i love thisss soooo much.

i'm planning to get me Coco Mademoiselle later this month or maybe something from Penhaligon's or Serge Luten.i'm a perfume freak.i have 14 bottles now.lots of them are Oriental-Floral.i need something fresh for spring.

for dinner i had salmon tomato pasta tonite with the usual green salad.

and for dessert i had......

hahaha.(Atun..i'm waiting for ur 'leter'ing)it's the new Camel Menthol with 8mg of tar and 0.7mg of nicotine.the packaging was soooo cute i had to try it.i hate it btw.i love my old Kent UltraMenthol  1mg tar 0.1mg nicotine more.hik. i stopped smoking for good last Jan.i'm a emotional smoker.i smoke like once every zillionth years.(so i think they are no stop for good rite)hahah.but my last puntung was the day before S went home.i just mad at him.it was a Malboro 20 from M'sia.actually i hate smoking...i hate the smell it left on my fingers and my cloths.plus it's bad for skin.i smoked outside...eventho it's freaking cold.it was like 5C lastnite.eventho i hate cold so muchhh(tak caye tnya Ciku..i kept ngadu sejukk sejukk but tetap nak pakai shirt and short je dlm rumah.gilerkah mak?)but i hate the smell even more...tanak bilik bau rokok.gigih kan i smoking tepi sliding door sambil berbungkus selimut curik MAS stripe purple tuh.actually..kadang2 pasang heater lelama...x best..udara x circulate.nak kena angin luar jugak.*haih*

dahla ek.esok lusa lak.i talarat nak tedo.esok kena bersih lab.hanjs.kalau x p jumpe sensei tadi.esok leh p lab kul 130pm kan.hik.matila esok kena ke lab kul 930...haiyaaaaaaa.daaa

[it's 510am in the morning.i cant sleep.been thinking about S.i cant wait anymore.i miss him.12 more days to go.i miss him sooooo mucccccchhhhhh.*tgh dgr lagu Semusim from Marcell.*haih*]

yer saye x betul skit harini.ttbe nak makan nasi ayam.thanx to Ciku.(hakhak.gedik p tnya dia lunch ape.dia ckp nasi ayam.trus kempunan.*haih*)kena la masak ek.malas aaaaaaaaa.sejokk sekarang.nak masuk dapo pun malas.ptg td masak sambil lari lari.dok dapo 2 minit lari masok bilik.then lari ke dapo lagi.bila nak panas nehhh.i hate winter.btw.tesis dah siap tapi pagi tadi bgn lmbt..malas sgt nak kuar umah.isnin ni jela anta.

oh..esok ade piknik and diorg soh buat desert.aiya.dahle xde brg.nak buat pe.ade brg tuk wat coklat kek maha senang je.(takkan coklat lagi kot.nnti kena perli..haih S xde pun coklat kek jugak kau buat.*matilamak perasan sendiri.btw S suke coklat kek.)kena la kuar pagi esok p supermarket.cadang nak buat agar2 fruit koktel jek.senang.cemana ni kempunan nasi ayam.*matila kempunan ngalahkan pompuan ngandung tapi tetap keding jugak.*haih*.takpe esok jumpe A..gedik ngan dia soh dia wat nasi ayam.bukan susah pun tapi malas nak buat.kalau org buatkan lagi sedap kan.tapi tetiap kali p umah dia..i yang kena masak gak.cemana?tapi dia slalu je la tolong potong2 bahan.basuh bekas2.suami mithali sgt dia kan.*matilamak suke org lain tapi nak gak gedik ngan dia.gedik ngan dia sbb x rasa ada something more than just a fren je.yer i suke gedik ngan frens.

ada jumpa satu blog nih citer pasal cinta.and ada satu topik caught my attention.LOVE and LOVE-HATE situation.for me LOVE is the relationship i have with frens..really good frens and family.i love my family and my frens more than anything.LOVE-HATE is what i have with the significant other...one minute i love him more than anything else but the minute later i hate him so much i would kill him myself.ofkos i'm not gonna kill him.it's just a figure speech.i cant imagine me without him.but i'll learn how...after all nothing last forever.but not now.not till i found someone else.ops  bolehkah.but i hate him becoz i love soooo much and sometime it just get me when i cant understand him.LOVE-HATE for me is GILA MEROYAN.*matilamak.

one more thing.i watched GA's Dont Stand So Close To Me..(S3E10) for the hundreth and eight time.tipu jela.well less then 10 times.i love the episode.i hate to remain so close with anyone becoz it's hard when the time comes to part.but that's what i'm doing these days.i become to comfortable with everyone and it's soo hard to say gudbye.i'm gonna start to work in 2 weeks.and i dont know if i have time for them.i dont even know if i have time for myself.my fren stayed at the office till 11pm sometime.then back home to sleep only to wake up at 630 and go to work again.ofkos lah bukan tetiap hari.and it's a different company.i will miss you.yes you.(kau ade masa je kan online kul 11-12 tetiap malam.emm.it's all about choices kan.we'll see.)

p/s: i miss my chocolate cake man

Arsenal kalah ngan PSV.sentappppppppp.erghhh geram giler.depress.mcm kalah bet 10K.heh.not that played like sh*t.lots of chances but no good finishing.they deserved to win.they after all r waaayyy much better than any club that got thru to QF of UCL Cup.but they r just doomed with series of badlucks.it's gonna be a shitty season.no cups.no champonship but they prooved themself.i gonna forget this season and hoping for a better one this fall.why i'm sooo depress?

1. becoz they really deserved to win.they deserved to win the match and the one with Blacburn for FA Cup too.they played a marvellous soccer but..luck just not on our side.*sigh*
2. Silly love soccer.it his passion.so i decided to give a try.and i picked Arsenal as he love Man Utd soo much.after watched Arsenal.i personally fell in love with the team.and we always compare who is the better team.and Man Utd got thru but Arsenal not going thru made me sad.(to Silly:but we beat ur ass twice oke.)

citerlain

i made new fren yesterday.i heard about her from a fren but yesterday baru kenal the brilliant funny witty fabulous woman.(noks,mak puji kau melambung nih.ops.janji aa blanja mak).we shared a lot in common.we r both liberal person,open minded,have the quite the same love related insecurity.we both know h*****n.infact she's his besfren.bole la i korek2 citer ngan dia.ops.pesal ngan h*****n?i just love the guy sooo much.but not kind of 'love'.more than a fren love but not smpai tahap nak bercinta.

me (2007/03/08 1:12:12): i made myself clear kan..i don wanna fall in love with you..(over sgt ke statement)
me (2007/03/08 1:12:27): mana tau all this confused you
him (2007/03/08 1:12:36): hahhaha
me (2007/03/08 1:12:39): i tanak i hilang u plak..u r a really great fren
him (2007/03/08 1:12:46): ok,np
him (2007/03/08 1:12:48): u r too
me (2007/03/08 1:12:51): u r fun to be with
him (2007/03/08 1:12:52): aku ske chat dgn ko
me (2007/03/08 1:12:54): oke

ops..matilamak.i really feel comfortable ngan dia.dia cam a nice cashmere blanket wrapped around u,while sipping a warm french vanilla while sitting at the fire place with good music played in the air on a cold snowy winter nite.he is soo warm.i feel appreciated.i don wanna lose him.he definitely all that Silly ain't.maybe i'm trying to get what i cant have with Silly with him.hik.afterall i mmg manja yamaats.there r no love-hate feeling with him..just love.but with Silly..all the mixed up love-hate feeling.i love him.i hate him.i love him. i hate him.i love him. i hate him.i love him.

chatted with his besfren made me like him even better.he's such a sweet guy.in fact..pagi tadi lepas tgk bola that Arsenal lost to PSV.i'm sooooo depressed i wanted to talk to him. and tggu dia online YM.but lmbt la dia online harini.trus tedo...masa tedo smpai termimpi2 chat ngan dia.giler lah i.but i still cant see me with him not in that way.i wanted him to be part of my life but i don want him for myself.i want to spend time with him and all..but not...not keeping him.korg paham tak?susah la nak explain.kinda sibling love kot but more.mcm sibling yg sumbang mahram gitu.ops.matilamak kena rejam.

oke la mak nak sambung tesis mak.esok nak hanta 1st darft.masih giler dok layan blogging.daaa..

eh jap.mak nak copaste chat transkrip mak dgn kwn baru mak tuh.i love that woman.

her: nyah
her: kau dah kul 4
her: tak ngantuk ke?
me: mak tggu bola
me: arsenal psv
her: kannn ttpa ni percintaan telepathy dgn h*****n
her: sudehh mak tido dulu naaa

hanjs.percintaan telepathy katanya.mak girang.ops.mak x bercinta dgn dia lah.

okela dah berminggu x menghiraukan tag Bedah kt blog dia about 6 things u dont know about me...harini aku buat.

1. Ophidiophobia: Snakephobia.OMG..mmg takut sgt ular.euwww.geli dan takut.tapi kalo pakai python skin heels bole plak ek.matilamak.kalau nmpk je ular trus kaku dan deep breath.kalau ular mati kat tepi jalan..sanggup jalan jauh giler dari ular tuh sambil mata tak lepas pandang.x kire la ular kecik ke besar ke...jgn harap aku nak rapat.kalau pegi zoo jgn korg harap aku nak p tgk ular...apatah lagi nak pegang ular tuh..berbisa or tak.motiff nak pegang ular berbisa kan.x bole tgk Snakes on a Plane..geli geleman.mak sanggup terjun dari plane tuh noks...kalau dibekalkan payung terjun lah.ops.*matilamak.korg jgn sesekali nak buat practical joke usik mak dgn ular..plastik or not.harus mak sakit jantung dan DQ seribu tahun ngan korg.ops.
2. Giler perfume:bukan sikit oke.giler segiler giler nye.penah kau beli perfume 3 sekaligus sehari pastu mggu depan beli lagi.pastu tetiap hari melangut kat sini dan sini dan sini semata-mata nak cari perfume yang seswai.matila list skrg panjang ya Rabbi.kalo korg baik tolong la belikan mak 1.Editions de Parfums Frederic Malle:Une Rose & Musc Ravaguer 2.Serge Luten Ambre Sultan 3.Penhaligon's Elisabethan Rose & Malabah 4.Santa Maria Novella Musc 5.Chanel Coco Mademoiselle & Egoiste Plantinum.*matila perfume2 mahal.tu blom mass market nyer perfume lagi tuh.ops.
3. Love to cook but sgt la segan nak membasuh pinggan segala.Kalau kat rumah harus adik2 mak yang jadik mangsa basuh segala pinggan mak guna kan.Kat sini rajin plak dok basuh pinggan dia tetiap kali dia dtg makan kan.*matilamak
4. Tak reti goreng ikan.mesti ikan tuh melekat2 kat belanga.hik
5. Tak makan ikan darat/ikan sungai.Mual nak muntah.Ikan keli pun tak makan.
6. Tak makan jering,biji petai(kulit petai makan..hahhahaha),peria,petola,k acang botol,aper lagi ek...baru je bole makan terung tapi terung kaler ungu saje ye.terung hijau saya x makan.

oke tu je kot.malas lah nak tag korg.bukan korg nak buat pon.hik.ade byk lagi korg tatau about me.tapi biarlah rahsia.ingt jgn nak buat practical joke usik me dgn ular!!!